What heart doesn't look back when it leaves?

It propels itself up
to the inky sky,
letting go of the gravity
of situation.

I wish I had the fortitude
to last.
To finish up.
I stay on the road,
crashing through boundary
and convention.

My life doesn't allow
the freedom of not caring.
An open heart is a chain
that forces destiny
to follow the forbidden paths.

This road, none other than
a precipice.
A free fall through
a field of silver;
a blinding burn.

I awake with the razor-intake
of deep breath.

My eyes
Take in
Your dancing life.
My heart bleeds
Into the spaces
That separate.
You. Me. Us.

Air thick with the wetness.
The walls trailing tears.
Witness. Judge. Jury.

We throw our laugh,
Cackle-hard against
Threatening sky.
Breaking the cycle.
Sacrifice. Surrender.

Enter.

Untitled

Why do I tremble these days?
Shake myself to pieces
in the centre of this hurricane.
A fear so sacred it doesn't
shout, it whispers.
Chill-cold of a mountain that pushes down on me.
I am aligned with a void that opens
gash-mouthed maw into my soul.

Shudder those tree tops.
Rooted to the molten core of earth.
We can only shine forth,
with a ferocious scream.

A singular intention
to be.
I am.
Nothing in particular,
everything in regard.

I am.
In the centre.
Expanded out. Like a canvas across the starry sky.
Storms are out to sea. I am here.
On the sand and crying.
Crying, long lost child in this universal stream.

Oh why; why do I tremble these days?
An axis. A central column to orientate me.
An silent core that rushes its strength into my frame.

Why do I still tremble?

Understood

I've thrown my heart space
onto rough ground.
Death a beat intense around my head.
I held your breathe for you. I held it
deep in my bones.
You moaned if I left. You asked me to stay a little.
I stayed. I witnessed.
I never knew it felt so tight in my chest.
All. The. Time.
Mortality beats in my blood
and I sit with you.
Curtains closed for you, light too intense
when there is a tunnel blazing.
The rattle of a sigh
shouting, "suffer no more life".
I will carry your frame into
a new world. A place we both
can finally, once we pass, call
home.

Untitled

If I let go,
where do I fall to?
Is there a space in this
for me to land?

I feel myself moving at blurring speed,
teetering,
tottering.

This void within I grasp at,
let go at,
scream at, rage at, fall feet first at.
Teaches me to let be.
I can't not force it, force of will.
I tired out, tremble out, muscle shakeshakeshake.
Sweat tumbling torrential pour.

I have no eyes
and finally...I exhausted,
I see.

Defining

What is a definition but a holding space for the ego to rest into.

It needs to hold a concept within itself. Defining itself by the concepts and definitions it made up in the first place. Well, it made up by virtue of being born into a collective social context and the nurturing of our perspectives through the associations we make.

Life is pushing us beyond the borders of self-imposed boundaries. Things you think you need in order to be happy, in order to be content, they are like shifting sands on the screen of awareness. Neti neti - not this not that. Resting into the awareness of all arising phenomena without holding onto needing or wanting a concept of a situation.

Melt into what is right in front of you. The client who has asked for your services - serve in the moment. The friend whose eyes meet yours in communion - commune in that moment. A deeply held embrace honoured and cherished in that moment; then get ready for work.

If we drop our concepts and allow the felt-sense of this moment meet us fully we realise there is no need to crave, to be averse, to struggle with our reality. It requires a brutal honesty with the heart of the world we so want to surrender to.

Surrender is not another act that we try and do. It is the ultimate non-doing, an intense letting go of our needs. The tantrums of the ego dim themselve into a small hum in the distance of our consciousness as the universe is made our centre.

So I choose this moment: surrender. Not as an act of will but as an act of faith that there is nothing to fear in being no definition; absolutely nothing at all.